Twice a week Mike and I wake up at the ridiculous time of 4:30 AM. We shuffle our way around the house, stepping over our sleeping dog & cat, and somehow manage to get ourselves to the gym by 5. These weekly "dates" are a sick form of self-induced punishment otherwise known as Body Pump class. (if our instructor is reading this-just kidding. we truly love the push ups and squats. truly. we mean it. you're the best.)
We have a 'thing' for Junior Mints and Reese's Pieces, so our thoughts are that we'd better get our butts to the gym daily to make up for it; going together when we can certainly makes it more fun. What we didn't anticipate when we started this routine was that going to this class would lead us to our "just right" route for adoption...
This particular class has a devoted group of followers; we have our own private Facebook group and matching sweatshirts...we're just that cool. It's a fantastic group, and inevitably we all have gotten to know more about the people around us than just who cheats on their push ups.
"M" powers through the class with us, and offered to put us in touch with a family friend who had a beautiful adoption story of her own. It was just as Mike and I were pulling out our hair from decision-making that this friend, "C," called...
Mike sat patiently nearby as C and I talked for over an hour. My pen was writing feverishly, and I'm quite sure there was a mile-wide smile across my face the entire time. I knew from everything C was sharing with me that we had found the perfect solution to our adoption needs. I was completely overwhelmed with excitement and relief, and only wished there was a way to reach through the phone and hug C for being so willing to share her story with us. She opened our eyes to a whole new approach, and lifted a gigantic weight off our shoulders.
As Mike mentioned in his last post, C and her husband opened our eyes to Adoption Consulting. We had not heard of this before, and - surprisingly for the amount of "google" searches we conducted - we had not stumbled upon it in our research.
Looking down at our "Pros and Cons" list for Agencies versus Private Lawyers, this option literally bridged the gap and solved all of our major concerns. That evening we contacted the company C used, and within two days our story began.
A Step Ahead was officially our "just right." We both had the "warm fuzzy" feelings we were looking for, and a stranger "K" was about to become the biggest part of our lives.
I can only speak for our experiences with A Step Ahead, so if you are considering adoption and research Consultants, please be sure to ask for specifics on his/her services.
Adoption Consulting
Now that we know about this avenue, it's clear that it's not some completely new and rare route to adoption. Just as with Foster Care, Agencies, and Adoption Lawyers, "google" it and you'll once again see smoke coming out of your computer.
So, how does this whole Adoption Consultant thing work?
C explained it so clearly to me when she said "think of your consultant as a real estate agent." To sum it up as cleanly and simply as I possibly can, we basically let our consultant know what we are looking for, and through a large network of Agencies and Lawyers she helps us find "it." (It's really hard to refer to our future baby as an "it," but the reality is that an Adoption is business transaction when all the layers of emotion are peeled away).
For us, going this route was a breathe of fresh air. We loved that we were able to speak directly with the Owner/Founder of A Step Ahead, and that any question we had was answered quickly and without confusing numbers or payment tables. "D," the owner, and all the consultants are all adoptive parents as well; we would be working with someone who has lived all the emotions we were currently living...and each consultant only works with a maximum of seven families at a time - we would have one point of contact throughout the whole process, and we knew that he or she would be completely focused on helping us.
In addition to just feeling reassured that we would have someone there to "hold our hand" the whole way, A Step Ahead works with agencies and lawyers all across the U.S. (they also handle foreign adoptions), so with our upcoming move it wasn't going to matter that we would be living in a new state. Mostly likely our baby will come from a state other than the one we are living in anyway, so we wouldn't have to "start over" with a new agency when we move or worry about finding and hiring a second lawyer that we trusted. We'll have to update our Home Study, but this will be a far easier process than having to start completely from scratch.
The other huge "pro" for us was that it would guarantee us a "say" in the whole process.
We would talk extensively with our consultant about what exactly we were looking for, what we were comfortable with, and what our finances would allow us to afford. We'll get into more of this in later posts, but basically our consultant would eventually be sending us Profiles that fit our 'requests' by at least 80%.
Right up front the adoption cost, information on the Birth Mom and Birth Dad, and a slew of other pertinent details would be provided to us. It would be our choice, based on the information presented, as to whether or not we felt comfortable with the Profile and situation. If so, our Adoption Profile would be sent to the Birth Mom to review; if not, we would just 'pass' and wait for another opportunity to present itself.
So, this is where we are now. As you know from our very first post, we have already begun to receive Profiles...and unfortunately we have already had to make some very hard decisions.
I don't think any amount of research or guidance can ever prepare you for the emotions you feel at this stage of the game...
Now that we've shared with you our thoughts behind the different avenues of adoption, and why we chose the Consultant route, we will be picking back up with our story and what is happening. We want to continue to offer advice and information for those of you considering adoption, so we will also be posting about the Home Study Process, Financing an adoption, and creating an Adoption Profile in the near future.
'Til then, we are still waiting...
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