At a recent visit to the Vet we learned that somehow our loveable and wacky Lab had become a bit "pudgy."
OK, actually a bit more than "pudgy" - the poor dog was officially labeled as overweight. We were now going to be swapping Milk Bones for carrot sticks, and playtime in the park was going to have to become a bit more strenuous.
This is the dog who jumps and leaps excitedly at the sight of her leash, dashes to the park, and then proceeds to lie down and munch on a stick instead of chasing the ball she was just dropping at your feet, tail wagging, a few minutes ago. She's the canine equivalent of the stylish woman, dressed head to toe in Athleta clothes, who goes to the gym merely to sip on a shot of green-wheat-protein-something-or-other but never once hops on a machine or steps foot in a class. Our dog certainly looks like a Lab and eats like a Lab, but draws the line at the "retriever" part of her name. Clearly getting her to excert energy for longer periods of time was going to mean some bribery.
We are now "those people" at the park; half a Milk Bone in hand, dangling in front of our dog's face, sprinting from one set of trees to the next in mockery of the fact that our pudgy pup will only keep running as long as she thinks she stands a chance of snagging that treat from our hands. You can tell she hates it, but as long as she sees that Milk Bone she will jump through whatever hoops she has to to get it.
In the adoption process, The Home Study to us was just like these "workouts" are to our dog. We were completely aggrevated by it, but it was a hoop we had to jump through, so we just went with it.
Let me take a step back and say we completely understand the necessity for The Home Study process. There are a lot of wackos in this world, and before any newborn or child is placed in a home to be cared for it makes sense to be sure that the environment will be a safe, nuturing one, and that the soon-to-be parents aren't convicted child abusers or drug addicts. It's just frustrating dealing with all the red tape, and certainly a humbling process to have to "prove your worthiness" of being a parent.
The Home Study Process
Regardless of what route you choose for an Adoption, (Domestic, Foreign, Foster Care, Agency, Private Adoption via a Lawyer, or working with an Adoption Consultant), you have to complete a Home Study. In our case, after we signed on with our Adoption Consultant we were provided with a list of Home Study Agencies in the state of North Carolina that we could choose to work with.
I researched each agency, looking for the fees associated as well as how quickly we would be able to get through the process. In general the agencies here all were going to cost about $3,000-$4,500 to do our Home Study. They all offered "expedited services" for an additional fee, but some agencies were a little backed up, and the process was going to take 12+ weeks to complete regardless. We've waited almost four years to have a family, and I did not have the patience to wait another three months just so we could prove we were "fit" to have a family. We lucked out and signed with a Home Study agency who could complete our process "quickly."
Criminal and Child Abuse Background Checks
Each State has it's own laws regarding adoption. Here in NC we needed to provide criminal background clearances and child abuse background clearances going back five years. If you're lucky this is an easy step - just a few quick forms, a trip to the Court House, and some minor paperwork fees. We had our NC backgrounds done and complete in a day, for about $50. No mess, no stress, fax it all over to our assigned Social Worker, and you're good to go. (we really loved NC for that!)
Our personal hiccups in the system came from being a military family; going back five years meant getting clearances from two additional states. What took less than a day in NC took over a month to get from KS, and don't even get me started on the State of California (they are a 'closed state', so they can't provide you with your own background information if that information is going to be shared with a third party- to include our Social Worker for required paperwork for our adoption). Our own information could not be provided to us, for us to use for a Domestic Adoption. They could give it to us for an International Adoption, but not a Domestic. Huh? Long story short, we are still confused.
We couldn't get our own information, and were told that if we got the information and shared it with our Home Study Agency we could be fined or face jail time. When we called our Home Study agency out of frustration we were told to hire a specific private investigative service. So we couldn't get our own information, but we could pay a complete stranger in NC to pass our Social Security numbers and other critical information on to another person in CA. This person then somehow got a hold of our records, and passed it back on to NC. So much for the "closed state" thing. Like I said, we're still confused.
We jumped through that first hoop, though, and lived to tell the tale.
Letters of Recommendation
Ever wonder just what your friends truly think of you? In the Home Study process you'll have to ask people to write you letters of recommendation. They will need to be notarized, not written by relatives, and refer specifically to what would make you a good parent and your home a positive environment for a child.
Truly humbling to have to ask people to write this for you. But I tell you what, have your box of tissues ready when you read them. We were speechless at the amazing letters our friends and colleagues wrote on our behalf.
The Physical
Yep. The Home Study includes a trip to your Drs office.
It's not a true physical in the sense that Mike had to "turn his head and cough" or I had to run on a treadmill, it's more a series of general questions your physician has to answer and sign off on. "Has this person had a history of mental illness? If yes, please explain" type questions.
There were two questions on there I was very afraid of, though. The first asked about any serious illnesses the person in question was diagnosed with. With my rare disease I kinda panicked thinking "will we fail and not be allowed to adopt?"
Thankfully I was assurred that since I was in remission we would be OK. Whew.
The other question, though, was one I had avoided asking my specialists since my diagnosis. And now there it was, staring me in the face, having to be answered. Did I have an average life expectancy, and was there any reason my medical condition would prevent me from being able to raise a child?
I didn't want to look at the paper when my Dr returned it to me. I expected her to say "I guess it's time we had a hard talk." But - whew - I could breathe. Despite my Wegeners I still have as great of a chance of annoying Mike well into my 90s as I did before my diagnosis, and it wasn't going to prevent me from being "fit" to be a parent. My Dr actually had a huge smile on her face, and she was so excited that I was going to be a Mom. She even thanked me for getting to be a part of the process. That was a pretty feel-good moment right there.
The Interviews and Home Inspection
{Are you still with me? Wow- I'm impressed. I know I am rambling, but Mike and I really want anyone considered adoption to know what to honestly expect. Hang in there...almost done!}
The Home Study also includes a series of interviews. The number and how far apart they will be will vary based on the agency you use. We paid for an expedited study, so we actually knocked out all our interviews within a weekend.
We met with our Social Worker for an entire Saturday afternoon, then the next day she came to our home for another round of interviews and to inspect our home. From finances to our childhood, how our parents raised us to our personal beliefs on spanking, relationships with our siblings to religion... "to infinity and beyond!"...it was all asked, and it was all answered.
The End Result
Six weeks, $4,500, and several papercuts later our Home Study was complete. We received in the mail two copies of our 13-page report. It includes our letters of recommendation, criminal background clearances, financial statements, health reports, and assessment from our Social Worker.
We now have legal binding "proof" that we are worthy of being parents. And we now are "approved" to adopt a little baby. Or two. And even a sibling, if they are less than 2 years of age. Talk about waving a treat in front of our faces....now I know how our dog feels on those trips to the park!
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