Here we go....{again}...

Mike e-mailed me this morning with a link to a story that just made me sick to my stomach. It was about a woman in Missouri who ran an adoption scam; 23 families and 5 adoption agencies were scammed by this sorry excuse for a human being. Basically, she would pretend to be pregnant and wanting to give the baby up for adoption. Families were 'matched' with her; they would pay for the "adoption,"  but never got the baby. Meanwhile, she had her living expenses being paid for. (we'll get into this, but Birth Moms can have their living expenses paid for as part of adoption costs)

Mike's comment with the attachment was "this is a reminder of why we need to be careful."

It's so scary that this can happen. And sickening. But the truth is, there are no guarantees for anyone wanting to adopt. A Birth Mom could change her mind at any time up until the paperwork is signed and verified; Grandparents or the Birth Father could decide they want to raise the baby; a heartless person could know all-along that they have no intention of giving up their baby, but in order to have their medical bills and living expenses paid for they can contact an agency, pick a family, accept the money, and then "change their mind" at the last minute. There's no protection against that.

We have already said no to a few cases that we could have afforded without going into any debt, simply because something didn't feel right. We don't want to have to be "picky" when it comes to trying for a healthy baby, but we have to be - if there seems to be a high risk of the Birth Mom changing or mind, or any hint that there's something "fishy" about the Birth Parents' stories, we have to walk away. We can't afford to lose that money. It's so hard, but we have to.

We are willing to take that leap of faith when it feels right. Last week we tried for the little boy who is due in a few days. The at-risk amount was very high, but we felt incredibly comfortable with the Birth Mom's profile and story. While there was no guarantee, there was every indication that she is truly ready to sign the adoption papers. Unfortunately since she didn't pick us we'll never know if our instincts on her were correct, but hopefully they were.

In the world of infant adoption you are either seeing cases like that, where you are holding your breath for a while until the baby is born and the paperwork is signed, or you are seeing cases like the Twin Boys we first saw, the little meth baby from last week, and the case we literally just received. These are the "BOGs". Babies on the Ground.

BOGs have already been born, and while you miss out on the opportunity to meet them when they are truly newborn (some Birth Moms will allow you to be in the room during delivery, so you can even cut the umbilical cord), you get to "breathe easier" knowing that there is minimal to no risk of the adoption not going through.

The first two BOG cases didn't pan out for us; the twins were just too expensive ($53k, plus any unpaid medical bills - they were already 6 mnths old), and you know the drama of last week's premie.
It's time to hold our breaths again and see what happens with today's profile...

It's a little baby girl, she was just born today. There is still information coming in on her because she was just born and the Birth Mom's adoption lawyer is in court....but she is healthy, ready to be released from the hospital in the next day or so, and (da-da-da-dum! trumpets, please) the Birth Parents are apparently signing the paperwork right now. It would be a guaranteed adoption.

We just sent K an e-mail with a resounding "YES!!!" to her question on if we were interested. So, here we go again on submitting our profile and holding our breaths.

With this case the Birth Mom and Father are not the ones to be selecting the family; the adoption agency is. It's out of our price range, but knowing it would be a no-risk adoption if we were picked we decided we had to at least submit our profile and see. If we are selected then this is meant to be, and somehow we will figure this out.

The article this morning was a reminder of how risky an adoption can be; it was also a reminder that sometimes you have to take a leap of faith when something is presented to you, no matter what the financial cost, because in the end that is just money and in this case it very well would be buying happiness.