Our First Date

This entire journey has been unreal, and we are both so fortunate to be able to say that with every step we have felt completely confident that the path we chose was 100% the right path for us.  K has been there for us each and every time we've needed her - guiding us not only on the "business" side of adoption, but helping to keep us sane emotionally as well. How will we ever thank her? We just don't know...but she is forever a part of our hearts and lives.

Yesterday K came through for us once again; our Birth Mom wanted to talk to us, and a phone call had been set up for last night. We were extremely excited to be able to get to "meet" her, but we were also  very nervous...what if we said something stupid that made her not like us? Would she change her mind? What do we talk about? Where do we start? We have so many questions, but no idea how to ask them. This, in essence, was going to be the most important "first date" of our lives, and we just were clueless on how to handle it.

K, as always, had the solution. Help came in the form of a gal we'll call K2; she is our very own "Hitch" - a dating guru, but for adoptive parents.

K2 is a Birth Mom herself. She has a beautiful story of how her unplanned pregancy became a unique blessing in her life, and she now selflessly shares her story and perspective with Adoptive Parents like us, who are about to talk to their Birth Mom for the first time.  This is one of the biggest 'perks' available to us by choosing A Step Ahead (the adoption consulting agency we are using); without her we would have been a couple of bumbling idiots, and the experience could have been a complete disaster rather than the resounding success that it was.

K2 spent the morning answering the numerous questions that we had, and helping us better appreciate what our Birth Mom is going through. By the time we were dialing our Birth Mom's phone number we were still nervous -how could we be anything else? - but we were nervous with confidence.

It was amazing; our Birth Mom answered the phone, we managed to get out the first sentence without puking or mumbling in a foreign language, and from there it all just flowed.

I won't say it was perfect - there were a couple of pauses (we recovered nicely), and at one point I found myself saying "I'm sorry, did you just say your daughter likes strippers?" (doh! Yes - I did really say that!! Thankfully, it got a laugh, though...between my bad hearing and the phone connection I swear that's what I heard and I knew it wasn't correct, but my poorly worded question just popped out before I could stop myself. Still kicking myself for that one...). But we learned so much about her, and we feel fantastic that we have started to build this relationship with her.

We won't go into details since it is a private conversation, but we will share that we just couldn't be any happier that she is our Birth Mom. She is honestly just wonderful, and we truly do have several things in common...on top of the similar interests and hobbies, it gave me goosebumps to hear how she felt in her heart about our profile the way we felt in ours about hers. This really is meant to be...

*On a side note, we just want to stress to anyone considering adoption to please ask the agencies, lawyers, and/or consulting firms that you are interviewing about the types of resources they will have available to you. Not all adoptive parents will get to meet or talk to their Birth Moms, but if you do it is undoubtebly an incredibly important (and nerve-wracking) experience. Having the ability to talk to someone about this conversation is incredibly helpful, and if it can be from the perspective of a Birth Mom you will benefit tremendously.

**On a really cool side note, how cool is it that we now know our little guy is apparently quite active in our Birth Mom's belly? He's doing great according to the last Drs appointment!