Loving A.J.

we regret not updating the blog throughout the past week; we left our computer at home knowing we wanted to focus on bonding with and loving our son. In the choice between packing a computer or my camera gear, I naturally chose the camera gear. We planned to blog using our iPad, but that wound up not working. Our friends and family know by now how this story ends, but we can never forget the joy and love of the past week. For our healing, we still need to share this week.

Monday, May 14th, at 8:37 AM, our son Alan Michael (A.J. for short) came into our lives. Both Mike & I were allowed to be in the delivery room; we each held the Birth Mom's hand throughout the C-section...I remember looking down at her thinking she was absolutely the most beautiful human being on the planet for what she was giving us...and the moment we first heard AJ's little cry and touched his tiny little hands, I could feel my heart just swell out of my chest, open up, and embrace him.

Our son. It was amazing.

More than just giving us the precious gift of life and parenthood, the Birth Mom was allowing us to be there for our son's first breath. She was allowing us to be the ones to hold him, name him, bond with him, and love him. She was giving us so much - we were experiencing every bit of parenthood as if we were the ones to create this precious life. She didn't have to do that; legally, until she signed the paperwork in front of a judge, AJ was hers. She had the right to be the one to hold him, the one to name him, the one to say just how much time and contact with him we could have. But she gave all of that to us.

All we had to give her was a gold necklace. A gold heart to symbolize us, with a smaller heart inside to symbolize her. That heart had a little diamond, to symbolize AJ. We wanted her to know that she would always have a special place in our hearts, and in AJ's as well. Presenting it to her we felt silly and awkward - there were no words or objects grand enough to ever show her our gratitude and respect, but we hoped this token and our tears would be a start.

The nurses and Doctors at the hospital were wonderful; it was a small town, and the Birth Mom's Social Worker had warned us in advance that they may not be as open-minded and helpful in an adoption situation as larger hospitals typically are, (especially since AJ is multiracial and we are white), but thankfully that was the farthest thing from what we experienced. We were paying for the Birth Mom's room and care, but they gave us a room of our own for free. They came to us for all of AJ's care, answered all of our silly "first-time-parents" questions, and shared in our joy. They admitted that they don't deal with a lot of adoptions, and they were excited to be a part of ours.

For four days, while the Birth Mom healed from her C-section, we lived in the hospital with our son AJ. Other than the hour on the 15th that the nurses needed him to do bloodwork and other tests, he was not out of our sight or arms. We did nothing but stare in amazement at AJ; kissing him, cuddling him, and telling him over and over how much we loved him and how beautiful he was. We could not believe our good fortune; after all the chemo treatments, surgeries, and scary medical moments of the past few years, we were finally having "good luck."

We had honestly lost faith over the years because of all that had happened to us, but we were quickly gaining it back - there must be a God afterall, because here in our arms was this precious miracle. And not only did we have this beautiful little son, healthy and happy with all ten fingers and all ten toes, but we had an adoption story that was solid, sure, and no-risk. God was finally "rewarding" us for all the pain we'd been put through.

From the moment we first "met" the Birth Mom, (up until the morning of AJ's birth we had only been able to communicate via phone and e-mails), we were repeatedly being told how at peace she was with her desicion to give AJ to us. We were sent sonogram photos by her, she opened up to us about the Birth Father and the circumstances surrounded not just her choice but need to find a better home and situation for AJ; she opened up about the life she and her 11 year old daughter have, and how she couldn't take care of a newborn, how she needed to heal and move forward to make their life better, and how if she kept this baby she was carrying it would ruin her and her daughter's life.

The Birth Father, we were told, was a horribly abusive man, who also happened to be married. She opened up to us that he had lied to her about his name, and that she couldn't even find him now. She opened up about keeping this adoption a secret from him so that she could protect the life she was carrying. We were assured that he would never be found because his real name was not known, but that even if he did find out that she was pregnant he denied that even his wife's children were his - he would not contest the adoption, would want nothing to do with this baby.

We had discussed this with the Agency she was using and the lawyers - they had seen this scenario many times. It would be no problem - an ad would be placed announcing the birth of this child, after 30 days when he didn't step forward to claim being the biological father the State would sign off relinquishing his rights on his behalf. Once the Birth Mom relinquished her rights, AJ would be ours. If the Birth Father ever appeared, he would have to prove he was there financially for the Birth Mom throughout the pregnancy and that he could be a better parent than us. He had no leg to stand on; we were assured that while it would be a matter of getting a lawyer and going to court, AJ would not be taken from us. This man was no-good, there was nothing to worry about.

We knew all this before AJ was born; we already loved him and knew we would do whatever it took to protect him. We were not worried about this man reappearing. The Birth Mom told us flat out that she already considered us the parents, she told her Social Worker that she felt no attachment to the baby she was carrying, and after she gave birth she told the nurses to have us fill out the Birth Certificate application with the name we wanted for him - with our last name. We were not worried about her changing her mind.

We allowed ourselved to feel every ounce of joy that we deserved to feel. Four days after staying in the hospital with him, the Birth Mom signed paperwork releasing him into our care until her court date of the 21st. We left the hospital with our son, and began life as a family. We have never experienced such pure and complete joy and love in our lives. It was the most perfect, beautiful week. Our hearts, our lives, were complete.