The Call

It is Friday morning, May 4th, and I have been going absolutely BONKERS all week. I have spent the past couple of days lying to my Parents, avoiding phone calls, and trying desperately too keep my emotions in check and my mouth shut. I haven't been able to sleep, my stomach's been upset, and I have literally been shakey...

I thought the waiting around for all the paperwork to arrive for our Home Study was bad; I thought the waiting around for us to start receiving profiles was even worse; I thought the waiting for our profile to be reviewed by a Birth Mom was the worst. But BY FAR this wait has been worser-than-worst...(I'm bracing myself - I have three more levels of even-worser-than-worst waiting to go)
I have been waiting since Tuesday evening to finally share with everyone that we got The Call!!!!! We are going to be a Mommy & Daddy!!! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh....can you believe it?!! I almost can't, but it's true. It's happening...we're going to have a family!! And SOON!!!!!
Oh, it feels SOOOOO good to finally type that. I just couldn't take it any longer. It's been killing me all week, but we wanted to wait till we talked to the her lawyer and had a chance to tell our Parents.
This waiting-to-tell thing was bananas!!!!
So, wait...what? We got The Call and we didn't IMMEDIATELY start shouting it from the rooftops?! Oooooooh, did I want to! I picked up the phone so many times to call my besties; I started to type posts; I thought of ways to tell our family and friends...I have wanted to scream it out loud since the second I've known. But Mike wanted to wait until we knew "for sure."
We haven't written a check yet, so technically the match is not completely a match; but we were picked by a Birth Mom, and we have agreed, so verbally - we are now expectant parents!!! We actually get to talk to her tomorrow night!
I have been bursting at the seams all week, smiling huge, and tearing up constantly. It has physically be so hard for me not to share this with my Mom & Dad and closest gal pals; I've needed them to talk to, especially since Mike hasn't been getting home until 8 with work. I have been a pent up ball of excitement and nervousness just ready to explode, and I haven't been able to talk to anyone to calm myself down...
What was supposed to be a fairly quick wait to share the news has wound up being dragged out. I have felt like I've been hiding a criminal all week; I talk to my parents every day, and every day I've had to keep this from them. I hated it...and I'm so sorry for keeping you out of the loop!!!
This is going to wind up being a novel in itself, but this is the story of The Call. Believe me, I have been wanting to share this since THE SECOND we got it...

THE CALL

6:20ish PM, Tuesday May 2nd:

Mike and I found out there was a little girl born, needing immediate placement. We told K that we were interested and wanted to submit our profile for the agency to consider. K was sending our profile over to the agency, but in the meantime she wanted to let us know that there were also two other profiles she was going to be sending our way.

Throughout the day I was excited to see what the other two profiles would be like, and of course was anxious to see if they agency would have any interest in our profile for the little girl. But  while it was exciting, I just can't explain it - it wasn't the same feeling that I had about submitting our profile for the case of the little boy the week earlier. If I closed my eyes I could picture myself holding him. I had said it to Mike, to K, to friends - there was just something about that profile that I felt really good about.

But that was  "done," we were told a lot of families had submitted for that little boy, and that our profile wasn't in the top of the pile. It wasn't meant to be...

K let me know that one of the cases she was sending has strict requirements for the adoptive parent Adoption Profile. Typcially these are about 15-20 pages; this agency would only accept 5 page, bound books. She predicted this would be a  case we'd want to submit for, so she gave me the heads up so that I could get started on that while waiting for the profile to come in.  I was definitely stressing;  it was hard summing up our lives and dreams in 17 pages - how would I then take that and make it 5 pages that still "sold" us? And how would I get it printed, bound, and over-nighted ... it was already after 5:30 PM.

I had just jumped in the shower when I got that news, so I rushed downstairs a complete mess...I was feeling frazzeled. I vented on Facebook with a quick post about how my "perfectionish" tendencies with designing were really not doing me any favors at that point. I needed to go, go, go with this!

The phone rang.

K's voice sounded particularly perky, but she's always cheery so I didn't read much into it. I had no idea that at that second she was changing our lives forever.

(I'm crying right now as I relive this...here's hoping I don't have any crazy typos!)

"Missie, it's 'K' sweetie. Is Mike home?"

(No....he's still at work. Poor guy hasn't been getting home until 8 lately...)

"I have some really great news, and I hoped to be able to tell you both together....do you remember Birth Mom -----? "

(yes.....)

"She picked you. You're going to be a Mommy....."

At this point I honestly can't remember the rest of the conversation.  I was sobbing hysterically, and I think I kept apologizing for crying. K said something giggly about how I was supposed to be acting like that, and something about probably not remembering a word of what she was saying... I'm pretty sure my reaction scared our Dog and Cat - I do not "cry pretty;" I was sobbing, waving my hands in front of my face...

I hung up with K, chased after the dog and screamed "you're going to be a big sister!" and called Mike at work.

TELLING MIKE



When I pictured finding out I was going to be a Mommy I didn't picture wearing "HoHoHo" pants, having my hair wrapped up in a towel, and chasing down my dog afterwards. I think I was more envisioning a beautiful field of sunflowers, a soft breeze, butterflies....or, at least the way my friends found out -  peeing on a stick. (hmmm, maybe the HoHoHo pants are along the same level as having to pee on a stick? Neither are very attractive to picture)

Since we started the adoption process I really hadn't given any thought to how I would break the news to Mike when we were picked; I just assumed we'd be sitting next to each other when The Call came. I wasn't expecting this call, about this baby, so when it happened my head was certainly not together enough to be calm and calculating on a romantic way to tell Mike. Poor guy got a call at work from a hysterical wife. I believe the words I sobbed were "How would you like to be Daddy?"

I ran upstairs after hanging up with Mike. He was rushing home, so I had about 15 minutes to get myself "together." After one look in the mirror I knew if he hopped out of the car and saw my bloodshot eyes, blotchy face, HoHoHo pants, and spastic hair,  he'd probably go running for the hills rather than get excited at the reality of raising a child with me. I didn't have enough time to get myself looking like a prom queen, but at least I could greet the new Daddy at the door without looking like one of those "people of Walmart" photos.

MOTHER'S INTUITION

I kid you not - the SECOND I got upstairs after telling Mike, my Mom called. In my mind Mike was going to come home and either (1) have a concern and not want to agree to the match, or (2) we were going to take a moment to breathe and pop some champagne, and then call our parents with the news.

I didn't want to tell my parents they were going to be  Busia & PopPop until I knew for sure Mike was as ecstatic as I was, we had a chance to process the news, and talk about how we were going to tell both our families....but in my irrational state of mine rather than just ignore the call I took a deep breath, tried to calm myself, and answered the phone.

It was the first "omission of news" to my parents. But I figured it was only going to be an omission for a few hours, so it wasn't going to be bad.

With the rush of the day I hadn't spoken to my parents yet, so it didn't dawn on me that they would have seen my blog post about submitting our profile for the newborn little girl. My Mom was calling to make sure we knew if we needed them to get anywhere to help us out they'd be there in a heartbeat. She wanted to know about this little girl, and where she was, and when we would know. I don't know how I did it, but I somehow kept myself from crying and spilling the beans. I told her what little I knew about the little girl and where she was, and that we didn't know anything yet about if the agency picked us.

While I wasn't telling my parents that we already knew something, I also wasn't lying to them...

We didn't know about the little girl. We didn't know when we'd know about the little girl. Frankly, at that moment, the little girl didn't matter anymore, because we were having a little BOY!

Turns out Mother's Intuition isn't something only a biological Mommy can have. I had it!

The little boy I pictured myself holding, the little boy from the case last week that I had such good feelings about...that little boy is going to be our son.

Every adoptive parent we talked to said they couldn't describe it, but that there would be something about a case that would just make you take that leap of faith. I had felt that with this profile, and when Mike agreed that he wanted to try for that baby, too, I just knew something good was going to happen. There were so many things about the Birth Mom's profile that I liked, and I just felt like she was going to like us, too. That night, after we had submitted our profile, we saw a newborn while we were standing in line at Target; he was so itty-bitty and his skin tone and hair looked like how we picture our son's might look. I was completely enamoured, and felt like it was a little "sign" - a peek into our future.

If you remember, I even blogged about feeling so calm while we were waiting for news on if we were picked. I even said the strong feelings I had about this little guy made having to say "no" to the immediate case of the other newborn boy so much easier. I told K how we were still hopeful about that case when we let her know we weren't comfortable with the meth preemie.

But we had been told, essentially, that this Birth Mom didn't pick us. We were crushed last week to hear that a lot of families had submitted for this little boy, and that our profile wasn't at the top of her list. Turns out, that wasn't the case at all.

Our little guy is due on May 22nd. The poor Birth Mom has not been feeling well, and between that and wanting to carefully consider the families before making her choice, her decision took a little over a week. The same big shot adoption lawyer that is handling her case is also handling the case of the meth preemie; while we'll never know, I suspect that he told K we weren't going to be picked by this Birth Mom in hopes that emotionally that would get us to agree to take the other baby. (remember he had even dropped 10K off the price and offered to help us find a place to live while the baby was in the hospital for several weeks)

I apologize to my lawyer friends because I know they aren't like this, but I can't help but wonder if this guy is just one of those stereotypical lawyers you hear about; concerned solely about getting his paycheck rather than having a conscious. He was essentially "pushing" a baby onto us that we weren't comfortable with, at the same time giving us the impression that the one we felt a connection to wasn't going to be ours. Hopefully I'm wrong on that and he really does have compassion for the emotions and rights of adoptive families, but I think he truly thought he could get away with playing with our emotions to get us to make a rash decision that benefited him. I am SO glad we stayed strong and stuck with our gut.

  WHY HAVE WE WAITED?

 If the purpose of writing this blog was to share an honest and open adoption story, its' kinda weird that we've not shared this amazing news yet on here. There's so many emotions to talk about, but we wanted our parents to hear it from us first, not from a computer screen.
One big concern we had was finding out we weren't really matched. One Adoptive Family we talked to had a Birth Mom pick them, then the next day she changed her mind and went with another family. That scenario was on the back of our mind. Since it was evening, K told us we wouldn't hear from the adoption lawyer until Wednesday. We figured we'd pop some champagne, celebrate together, and tell our parents after we talked to the lawyer and had things confirmed.
Wednesday came....and went...all day I kept waiting for the confirmation that it wasn't a dream. I was restless, nervous,unable to sleep, focus, or calm myself down. Somehow I managed to have a consultation with a client, but even during that I was not fully "together." I was physically not feeling well because of my nerves. Why hadn't we heard anything? Shouldn't this lawyer be demanding his big, fat check by now? What was going on? Why wasn't anyone confirming anything? Poor K was getting blasted with e-mails from me with my concerns, but it was all out of her hands - once you are matched you have to work with that Birth Mom's particular lawyer/agency, and K couldn't do anything but reassure me that my fears were valid, but that we had been matched and just needed to wait until we heard from the lawyer to get additional information from him on the legal side.

Wednesday night Mike wasn't going to be home until after 8; to keep myself somewhat sane I wound up hitting the local "Once Upon a Child" and Target to start building a wardrobe for our little guy. He's going to be one stylish little kiddo...I had a blast!
Wednesday night was another sleepless night. I was beyond anxious on having everything confirmed, scared to death about the possibilities, and very frustrated that the lawyer hadn't made any attempts to contact us. Obviously he is not an adoptive parent himself; he clearly is out of touch with the emotional side of this process.
Thursday morning and afternoon were even more painful. I blogged in hopes writing something would help, but I couldn't write what I really wanted to write; all I could do was describe how painful the waiting was...
I needed to tell my parents and friends, I needed to talk to someone. I have a crash-course in Mommyhood to do, an entire nursery to set up, and less than three weeks to do it all. But until we had confirmation Mike wasn't comfortable telling our parents.
Thursday afternoon we FINALLY got the call from this lawyer. We got more information on the Birth Mom, and even got to read her comments on why she picked us. It was amazing, reassurring, and humbling.

KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED

So...what's next?

Tomorrow night we actually get to talk to our Birth Mom; we are very excited to get to know her, but obviously are also extremely nervous. Then it'll be all the fun legal stuff and getting our nursery set up super quick. Our little guy will be here in 18 DAYS!!!!!!!

We are not out of the woods yet...our Birth Mom could still change her mind and decide to keep the baby, even after he is born. That time period between his birth and signing the papers is going to be one heck of a nerve-wracking time...then after that it will still be 6-9 months before the adoption will be finalized. So PLEASE, please, p-l-e-a-s-e think good, happy, positive thoughts for us, our baby, and our Birth Mom. While we are extremely over-the-moon, I can't imagine what she is going through. I want her to be completely confident in her choice, and know deep in her heart that she made the best choice.

OK...well, I've got a nursery to set up!!! XOXO